Has anyone ever noticed how often the word fail is used today? Everyone from computer geeks to Kindergartners uses it. Epic Fails are everywhere on the web, and Walmart celebrates their shoppers' failed clothing. Everywhere you look, it's fail, fail, fail.
Well, recently I've discovered a new way to use this overused word, and it has to do with my grades. Let me try for a moment to be philosophical or psychiatric or whatever you want to call it and tell you why I maybe might be, kind of am, Failing.
It believe it all started when my cousin committed suicide. I knew him, but he wasn't my bff or anything. I wasn't that devastated; at least, that's what I led everyone to believe. I think I even lied to myself, saying that I didn't care that he'd hung himself in his own backyard.I told myself I didn't know him, not personally. I even told myself that my family would be fine; of course they'd never try drugs to help them deal with the pain. Of course my cousin wouldn't be texting inappropriate things to her 'guy friends'. I didn't even let myself cry.
That, I think, was a mistake.
"Maybe, maybe, if only..." Ran through my mind constantly, and in fact, it still runs through my mind when I'm alone, homework piled up in a corner of my bedroom, the laughs of my friends and family faded form my mind.
A little while ago, two boys committed suicide. As a result Ffjh handed out pamphlets on suicide and I looked at those papers and realized something they hadn't mentioned. I wasn't going to take my life for an easy way out; no matter what happened, I wouldn't hurt my family like that. I wouldn't be selfish enough to take away my mom's 'sunshine' or my dad's 'little turd'. I wouldn't take away my sister's best friend, or my brother's co-conspirator. I wouldn't take away my cat Chief's 'mommy', or my dog Caden's 'pack-mate'. Nothing in the world could make me kill a girl named Julia.
Because that's all that suicide is: selfishly taking someone's life. It's not a release from pain, or a last resort option. It just makes more pain, more hurt in everyone else's life.
Now some of you might be worried that I'm even mentioning suicide. Don't be. I just need somewhere to put my feelings out, somewhere I can tell people what's wrong without being a whiny little girl about it. Someone ( a teacher) came to me today to ask about my grades, and ask if he could do anything to help. I looked at him calmly and told him that I would take care of it, but thanks for asking. What more could I do? I'm so done with confessing my life story to anyone on the street and I hate pity. So what could I do? I decided that the best option this time is to shut up, grow a pair,(excuse my french) and take responsibility.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a whole lot of work to make up.
Because one Fail is one too many, and I've had my fill of 'em.
Well, recently I've discovered a new way to use this overused word, and it has to do with my grades. Let me try for a moment to be philosophical or psychiatric or whatever you want to call it and tell you why I maybe might be, kind of am, Failing.
It believe it all started when my cousin committed suicide. I knew him, but he wasn't my bff or anything. I wasn't that devastated; at least, that's what I led everyone to believe. I think I even lied to myself, saying that I didn't care that he'd hung himself in his own backyard.I told myself I didn't know him, not personally. I even told myself that my family would be fine; of course they'd never try drugs to help them deal with the pain. Of course my cousin wouldn't be texting inappropriate things to her 'guy friends'. I didn't even let myself cry.
That, I think, was a mistake.
"Maybe, maybe, if only..." Ran through my mind constantly, and in fact, it still runs through my mind when I'm alone, homework piled up in a corner of my bedroom, the laughs of my friends and family faded form my mind.
A little while ago, two boys committed suicide. As a result Ffjh handed out pamphlets on suicide and I looked at those papers and realized something they hadn't mentioned. I wasn't going to take my life for an easy way out; no matter what happened, I wouldn't hurt my family like that. I wouldn't be selfish enough to take away my mom's 'sunshine' or my dad's 'little turd'. I wouldn't take away my sister's best friend, or my brother's co-conspirator. I wouldn't take away my cat Chief's 'mommy', or my dog Caden's 'pack-mate'. Nothing in the world could make me kill a girl named Julia.
Because that's all that suicide is: selfishly taking someone's life. It's not a release from pain, or a last resort option. It just makes more pain, more hurt in everyone else's life.
Now some of you might be worried that I'm even mentioning suicide. Don't be. I just need somewhere to put my feelings out, somewhere I can tell people what's wrong without being a whiny little girl about it. Someone ( a teacher) came to me today to ask about my grades, and ask if he could do anything to help. I looked at him calmly and told him that I would take care of it, but thanks for asking. What more could I do? I'm so done with confessing my life story to anyone on the street and I hate pity. So what could I do? I decided that the best option this time is to shut up, grow a pair,(excuse my french) and take responsibility.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a whole lot of work to make up.
Because one Fail is one too many, and I've had my fill of 'em.
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